El Morro

So we are officially residents of Old San Juan. We are settled into our new apartment and are quickly learning the neighborhood and meeting lots of our neighbors  There are so many beautiful things about the old city. The architecture, blue cobblestone streets, fountains and sweeping vista points overlooking the ocean. But the most stunning of all for me has to be El Morro. El Morro is a 16th century citadel designed to guard the entrance to the San Juan Bay and defend the Spanish colonial port city of San Juan from seaborne enemies. Luckily for us the days of seaborne enemies are over and now El Morro serves as a national park. It is only about 4 blocks from our new apartment and I can say with confidence that it has to be one the most epic dog parks around! Like almost everywhere in Puerto Rico it is dog friendly and I can only imagine how much it blow Zorra's little mind when we go on our long walks all around the grounds. Hell, it blows my mind! The grounds are said to take up 70 acres. More than half of that consists of a giant open grass field that approaches the fort. To put that in perspective, a football field is just over 1 acre. Yesterday we went on a nice long family walk together through the grounds and around a path that follows the water and leads you back into town. I brought the GoPro with me. Here are some shots that capture just some of the epic beauty of this national treasure. For more info about the history of El Morro click here.

Cultural Observations-Part II Flowers in Hatillo

A short post today, just wanted to share some of the pretty flowers that grow around the neighborhood in Hatillo.  We'll be moved into Old San Juan before the week is over, so I'm trying to enjoy the calm charm of this family oriented neighborhood. I didn't research the names of the plants and such but hope you'll enjoy nonetheless.  For me, seeing what grows in other lands always helps me imagine the feel.  So I hope you can feel the sun, tropical breeze and sweet air that is Puerto Rico.

I see these red flowers growing on trees with deep green leaves EVERYWHERE.  They are the first flower I noticed when we got here as they grow heavily on the foliage that surrounds the highways.  

These pretty ladies grow on many of the trees in Hatillo.  

Tommy made me a little "Baby Bouquet" of the white variation with some red Pom Pom type blossoms this morning.  He's been doing this cute little thing for years.  He'll gather neighborhood wild flowers and tie them together with stems.  It's about the size of a bouquet you'd give to a Guinea Pig.   What can I say, I've always liked "the little things". I'd take a "Baby Bouquet" over a dozen long stem roses any day!

Not sure if they are the same as the purple flowers I posted above (those grow on trees and these grow on the ground), but I love these whimsical lavender blossoms that line the walking path near the beach.  This picture really captures the color of the ocean waters around this part of the island--so blue/green!  We have Atlantic and Caribbean oceans in Puerto Rico so you have the blue waters like this as well as the more turquoise waters and white sand depending on which area you are in.  Both types are very clean and clear!

Who doesn't love the gorgeousness that is the Hibiscus?  When I see these flowers I think of Red Zinger tea and lush green land.  What woman's beauty isn't enhanced by tucking one of these behind her ear?  High in Vitamin C and full of flavor, these flowers are heavily used in teas and create a "punch like" flavor.  Ever had Passion iced tea from Starbucks?  That's a Hibiscus tea blend. 

I'll update with flowers of San Juan when we get there!  

Thanks for reading.

XO,
Juni

Cultural Observations Part I- Food & Drink

I just spent the morning on the phone with the utility companies and we are about ready to move into our new place on 4/20.  Both Tommy and I are beyond excited!  By the time we move in, it will have been close to 3 months without our own pad.  We were very lucky to spend 5 weeks along the East Coast  and then have the opportunity to rent a room and stay with our friend, Rick (Big Thanks, Buddy!) but we are ready to be in a permanent spot and really get this party started.

If you haven't heard, we found a place in Old San Juan.  It's a quirky one bedroom with a small loft space up a spiral staircase.  Tommy calls it, "The Slave Chamber".   Before you go judging him on that,  you have to see the space.  It truly is the best way to describe it.  It will likely be a walk-in closet or a crash pad for non-claustrophobic overnight guests.  I thought it would be cool to make it an office but it might just be too small.  We'll feel it out once we move in.  The location is amazing and every building in Old San Juan is at least a hundred or so years old so it's very unique.  I will include photos once we get in there as I'd like to do a post about the history of the city and it's current state.

As we prepare to step into the next phase of our journey, I thought it appropriate to write my first post about general cultural observations.  I'm going to start with Food & Drink and follow-up with other posts about other elements so that this one doesn't take a week to read.
Let's dive in, shall we?

Puerto Ricans have a discerning palate and demand food quality.  They'd much rather go to a shack of a restaurant that has good food as opposed to somewhere that boasts high-end fixtures, fancy-schmancy decor and serves mediocre fare.
This is hilariously highlighted in the fast food joints.  They have many of the same places we do back on the mainland but (from what I'm told) the quality is way better.  I'm on my health kick path so I haven't had any of the fast food but I've heard from numerous sources that the KFC here and Domino's are about 17 thousand times better than the ones we are used to.  Go figure.  I'll still pass but I think it's interesting nonetheless.

Traditional Dishes
One of the most popular traditional Puerto Rican dishes is something called "Mofongo".  Mofongo is made by combining a starch source (plantains and yucca are common) with garlic, vegetables and beef, chicken or seafood.  It is all mashed together in a pilon (large wooden mortar and pestle) and often served with some kind of soupy stew/gravy.  This dish is really tasting, very filling and found in just about every restaurant on the island.  Every place boasts they have "The Best Mofongo", even the Chinese Restaurants.  It cracks me up.

Un Pilon

Mofongo con Camarrones

Arroz con Pollo (Chicken with Rice) is another popular dish that sounds simple enough but it's the kind of dish that a Puerto Rican probably grew up on and everyone has their own version.  You will be forever imprinted by your mother's Arroz con Pollo if you are a Puerto Rican.

The Creole culture has a big influence here so there is a lot of "Comida Criolla"--many variations on rice and beans and a red sauce you can order with most proteins if you want "Salsa Criolla".  The sauce is a favorite of mine with fish and is tomato based with plenty of garlic, onions and spices.

You don't have to go far to find someone selling "Pinchos"--the grilled meat kebabs I mentioned in a previous post.  These are awesome to me because they are Paleo and freaking delicious.  Most vendors sell chicken thigh but you can sometimes find pork or fish ones too.   Most are sold for around $2 a kebab, so it's not only healthy but economical.

Lechoneras (Pig Roasters) are common and there is even an entire town devoted to roasting pork called, Cayey.  The small stretch of mountain road that flows through the town is lovingly called, "The Pork Highway" and when we went you could smell it a mile away.  Literally. You order your pig by the pound and section of the pig you desire.  It's also common, at least in Cayey, for there to be an in-house band that plays dance music so you can work off some of that food after you eat! Instead of a normal caterer, we've decided to hire one of these guys to provide food at the reception when we get married.  Still no date set though, so don't worry, your invite didn't get lost in the mail. 

To my surprise, people here are not that big on spicy food.  The food has a lot of flavor but not a lot of heat.  The common condiment is called "Sofrito" which is basically a mixture of a few different types of mild peppers, onions or garlic, perhaps some vinegar and maybe tomato.  It's like a pureed salsa fresca with a little more bitterness as it's pepper based.  Every grocery store sells at least a few variations of it and you can also buy a produce pack with the ingredients.  Sofrito is a true staple in island cuisine.  

Native Fruit

Much to my Sugar Detox torment, the island bears most of my favorite fruits-guavas, papayas, mangoes, pineapple, bananas/plantains and a new favorite, Soursop (aka "guayabana").  Also called a "custard apple", this fruit has a unique taste that's hard to describe.  It is sweet with a slightly grainy (like a pear) texture that also has a creamy, custard like quality.  Some don't like it for this reason, but I really enjoy it.  The flavor is kind of a hybrid of strawberry, pineapple, coconut and banana flavors.  It's also known to have many health benefits!  What's not to love?  

Mangoes are about to come in season and I see trees branches everywhere heavily weighted with fruit.  In about a month, it is so on.

Food Availability

Grocery stores are decent and food prices are about the same as in the states.  Maybe slightly cheaper.  They are certainly not as big as what I am used to but they are definitely "Supermercados" as opposed to "Bodegas". I buy as many of the local ingredients as possible since they are the least expensive---I eat a lot of carrots, mild green peppers, cilantro and more recently Calabaza (pumpkin).  Chicken and pork are easy to come by as well.  Most sell freshly baked bread, if you are into that sort of thing. Here is a photo of our local market.  The slogan means "you are part of our family!"---a very nice thing to say to a Puerto Rican. 

Unfortunately, finding organic anything is near impossible and if you do find it, you'll pay a pretty penny.  A few days ago I found a local health food store.  To my delight, they sold Almond Butter (Yes, this is the kind of stuff that I get excited about!). It wasn't organic, but I was still super stoked...until I got to the register.  They wanted $13 for the small jar.  Ugh, not gonna happen. :(

My saving grace has been Costco where you can get a decent amount of organic meats, tinned seafood, organic veg and (cue choir of angels) almond butter that costs less than a downpayment on a home.  For the most part, I do pride myself on shopping at the smaller establishments but I really can't pass up the quality/affordability of Costco on these items.  

Oddly enough, even though Puerto Rico is known for it's world class fishing, fresh fish is very hard to come by.  Fresh oysters are nearly impossible to find but Tommy chalks that up to the fact that they have to be shipped here and chance of spoilage is high.

Get Your Drank On

I'm not much of a drinker but people here certainly enjoy their booze.  It's a bit of a disturbing phenomenon that many gas stations sell beer by the can or bottle and it's not uncommon to see people come in, buy some gas and chug a beer real quick.  Being caught with an open container in  your car is also not a huge deal--you get a ticket but that's about it.  Kind of crazy.

All negativity aside, Puerto Rico is the birthplace of two of probably the best drinks well, ever.  This is the glorious land that gave us the Pina Colada and the Mojito.  I'm hoping you know what these two drinks are.  If you don't, and you partake of alcohol, you should totally try them asap.  A little on the sweet side but such an awesome combo of flavors.  Nothing conjures  up tropical daydreams like a drink served in a coconut:

Piña colada

If I do drink, I'm a Vodka and soda water with lemon girl (you can take the girl out of la....) but when I want to be all fancy, it doesn't get much better than a refreshing Mojito.

The Bacardi Rum plant is located on the island and offers free tours.  At the end of the tour, they give you two free drinks.  Pretty sweet deal!  Bacardi is kind of like the "Budweiser of Rum" though and Tommy has grown fond of a more high-end rum called "Barrilito". He says it is really smoky.  Not sure what that means but maybe you do.  I don't remember ever seeing it on the mainland but I wasn't really looking either.

Beyond rum drinks, which locals don't seem to drink too much of anyway, most people drink beer.  The local brands are Medalla (basically Puerto Rican Bud Light) and Magna (considered just a slight step up, with a somewhat sweeter taste).  You can get either of these beers for around $2-$3 a can at any bar or around $7 for a 6-pack.

Possibly the best thing that Puerto Rico has to offer, above ALL else, is the ridiculously amazing coffee.  It is so smooth, never too acidic and has an incredible flavor---coffee snobs would describe it as "an island profile".  The rich volcanic soil and climate has made coffee one of Puerto Rico's main crops throughout the years.  For the most part, you can't get it on the mainland, so if you do come for a visit you must try it.   We buy the relatively inexpensive stuff and it's still so much better than anything I used to get in California.  My stomach turns at the thought of drinking a cup from Starbucks.  I try to limit my consumption to one large cup in the morning and must admit that sometimes I go to bed excited that I can wake up and have another.  Most people drink it "Cafe Con Leche" style but I drink it with a little bit of unsweetened coconut milk or if in a cafe, I go "Americano".  How fitting.  I am literally fighting the urge to go get another cup from the kitchen now. 

I did it.  I couldn't resist.  It was worth it.

My Coconut Rant

The only thing that runs neck and neck with my love for PR coffee, is probably my love for all things coconut.  Coconut water, coconut milk, toasted coconut flakes, coconut curry, coconut pudding---I'm like Bubba from Forrest Gump.  I cannot get enough!

Being gluten-free, I've also become fond of Coconut Flour (the only flour substitute that I like).  Moving here I figured I'd be able to get all this stuff for a fraction of the price I paid in California and that it would be everywhere.  Hooray!

Unfortunately, I was met with another reality.  I cannot for the life of me find a coconut milk that doesn't have preservatives.   I started making my own, which was relatively easy and super tasty but the process is kind of time consuming and annoying in other ways.  Time isn't really an issue for me right this second but I kept accidentally grating my fingers with the veggie peeler when trying to get the meat free from the shell rind.  There is one brand that only has one preservative so I've bought that recently and don't seem to be having any digestive issues.  Unsweetened coconut flakes or Coconut Cream concentrate are two things I haven't found either.  Everything has sugar added!  Boo.  Have not found anywhere that sells coconut flour either.  I did find a tutorial online for how to make it myself but then just ordered it off of Amazon for under $10.  

A pretty common roadside site is this:

so coconut water is probably the easiest thing to find on my list of wants.  Everyone advertises "Coco Bien Frio" or "Very Cold Coconuts!" but it seems the more they promise, the more room temperature the coconut water.  I'm just happy when I have it, but it really is so much better well chilled.  If you try to buy it at the store and want something without added sugars,  you are going to pay a lot.  A carton I could get at Trader Joe's back in CA for $1.99 goes for about $6 here.  I don't get it.  

Is this some kind of Cocospiracy?! ARGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, maybe that second cup of coffee was a bad idea....

Puerto Rican cuisine is rich in flavor and delivers stick-to-your-ribs sustenance with a Caribbean flair.  Mind you, I didn't even get to the desserts as I didn't want to put myself through the torture---still on the Sugar Detox!  If you aren't detoxing---click on this link to check out "Tembleque" or this youtube video for "Coconut Pineapple Bread Pudding with Rum Sauce a.k.a. Budin".  Ay Dios Mio!  I hope you will have the chance to try some of the delights I've highlighted here or any of the other unique dishes the island has to offer.   Before moving here, I'd really never eaten much Puerto Rican food but I know now I'll be a forever fan.

Buen Provecho!

xo, Juni

A Quiet Moment on the Journey

It's late and dark.
Everyone is asleep.
Well, everyone except me.
I've been up for a while watching an old episode of "Project Runway-All Stars" that has Spanish subtitles.  My spanish is improving because I am noticing discrepancies.  The designer I predict to win, does not.  I'm always off on this.

I make my way through the house closing windows and doors, trying to remember which switch powers the ceiling fan that spins silently above me.  Zorra reluctantly moves from her spot on the cool tile by the front door as I shut out the life that continues outside.  Even at this hour.

Tropical climates always have so much energy in the air.   A buzz that never stops.   The humidity propels creation and us humans are merely an element in a universe of activity.

Pre-Bed Check Off List Continues-
take out contacts
floss
brush teeth
wash face
moisturize.
Having time and adequate rest makes self-care automatic.  There is no barter system at work---"if you skip the nighttime floss,  you can do it in the morning and collapse into bed immediately".
No urgency presents itself.
Zorra and I move quietly into our temporary room, (still in Hatillo until we move into our new place on April 20th) and try not to wake Tommy.  Even though I secretly wish he'd wake up.  I'm not sleepy.  I crawl in bed, softly brushing the sand that I can't keep out and position my pillow for rest.
But rest is otherwise occupied so I stare at the wall next to Zorra.  I scoot my body down the bed to lie more parallel to her and I stroke her  belly.  Worried that I am keeping her awake, she offers gentle reassurance by slightly lifting her leg to expose her soft underside.
I write emails in my head and wonder what certain friends are doing.

And then it arrives,  a bittersweet moment of homesickness.  Nostalgia for days when routine was determined.  A feeling of guilt when I remember my mother's recent email stating, "you feel so far away".  The lonely plight of every ex-pat that rarely sees the light from under the cloak of so-called "adventurous living".

I need to get working, I think to myself.  I need to know some money is coming in.  That will soothe my mind.
I go through the schedule of the life I've left behind and as suspected, I do not miss the long days.  I do not miss the sense of exhaustion I'd feel after doing a bunch of I-don't-even-know-what.  But I am a creature of discipline and routine, despite any reputation that would claim otherwise.  There is some worry that with new work I may feel some of these things again.  Such is life, I think and vow to keep things simple.

My mind turns to my friends again.  Do they miss us?  Have we been compartmentalized?  Are we lost in a surreal world told through stories from the blogosphere?

Tommy snores softly, a sure sign he is truly tired, and I cuddle up next to him and kiss his shoulder.  The fan blows cool air across the sheets.  I roll over, onto my back, and the sleep finally comes.

.

21-Day Sugar Detox Wrap Up

Hey All-
You may remember from a few posts back that I have been doing a 21-Day Sugar Detox.  You can read that post through this link.  Well, I finished that this week and am so stoked on it that I am going for another round starting April 1st!

The eating style is basically a version of low-carb, strict Paleo and it's working for my body really well. I did have one slip and drank half of a Vodka and club soda one night but I was kind of bored by it and never finished the drink.  I also spilled a bunch of it on my pants while playing Christmas Music on the bar's jukebox.  It was a strange day.  Regarding the "slip", I didn't beat myself up about it which I may  have been inclined to do in the past.  I've learned that there is nothing wrong with striving for perfection, but that we must move on when a mistake is made.  I still felt great the next day and picked up where I left off.

After the 21 days were up, I continued eating detox style for a few days.  Then, I decided that I wanted to do what I guess we can call, "The Skittle Experiment".  Or we could call it, "Juni Convinces Herself to Ease up a bit, for Christ's Sake".  I wanted Skittles and I wanted them now.  So I bought a pack and ate them.
Then I waited.
Were they good?  Hell yeah, they were good.
Did they taste like synthetic yuckiness and upset my zen like state of body/mind connection?  Nope, they just tasted awesome.
As I suspected, however, about 40 minutes later I got really tired.  Hello, Insulin Surge! It wasn't too bad and I recovered with a cup of coffee.
That evening, Tommy and I went to the movies and I had some popcorn and a Diet Coke (oh the horror!).  I enjoyed both very much and didn't feel compelled to overeat.

I woke up the next day feeling fine but with a slight ramp up in my hunger.  I've heard that bringing back in carbs can increase appetite and I certainly experienced that.  I allowed myself to eat a bit more food but only Sugar Detox stuff and the hunger levels have returned to where they were.

This Sunday is Easter and my friend's mom is making a ham with pineapple so I am not going to stress about eating a little bit of fruit infused pork but I am going to avoid anything else that may have gluten, dairy or legumes.  I think I will be more than happy with ham and veggies.  I will start up the detox again on April 1st and would like to go the full 21 days with no slips.
Here are the major lessons I've learned:
1.  I think my body does best with a Low Carb Paleo approach.  Fruit should be an occasional treat and veggies should make up the majority of my carb intake.  This approach really balances my appetite in a way that I like.

2.  Sleep has a major effect on my craving levels.  With adequate sleep, cravings are quite easy to overcome.

3.  Sometimes I think I want to eat something but I really don't.  However, it is good for ME to cut loose sometimes.  The post detox indulgences were not as good as I anticipated they would be.  I mean, I enjoyed them but it wasn't like angels singing from the heavens or anything.  The best part was just easing up a little bit.  For whatever reason, giving myself a pass was more satisfying than the indulgence itself.

4.  There is a feeling I now recognize as being "in good health".  I got this around the end of my first Whole30 and I felt it during this detox too but didn't manage to stay in it.  The feeling is light, clear, effortlessly joyful and very clean.   Like a shining, golden light around me.  Kind of hard to describe but now that I recognize it, I can seek it out more easily and hopefully stay there longer.  It is my intuitive belief that staying in this zone will bring dramatic improvements to my health in ways I cannot even imagine.

5.  Eating a ton of vegetables is like ingesting Super Powers.  The more veggies I eat, without creating a feeling of being "full", the better I feel.  It really has a noticeable  effect on my energy!

6.  I should avoid gluten and dairy at all costs.  I really just have to look at those two things as Non-Foods cuz my body just hates them.

Improvements I saw:
1.  Skin looks more clear and bright.  Keratosis Pilaris on upper arms noticeably smoother.
2.  Body Composition improved.  I know I lost weight but I decided to go with a "no numbers approach".  I just get a little too obsessive when I do.  I measured my waist a few times and saw inches drop.  I can just tell though and Tommy says he really sees a difference which is good enough for me.  I  have a pair of jeans I really want to get back into so they are my marker.  I'm not there yet, and it's going to take some time, but I have no doubt I'll get there.
3.  Energy more even and clean.  NO ups and downs, just steady good energy.
4.  Feel in control of my food intake and I crave good foods.
5.  My creativity is up!  I want to write, to sing, to tell jokes and laugh.  It's amazing how much this is affected.
6. Slight depression lifted.  I don't know why I was a little down but I was.  I'm sure it was nutritionally and stress related.

Like I said, I feel like this way of eating is really easy for me and I'd like to continue to see the benefits.  I don't know how many times I'll do this in the form of a 21-day detox but I just want to continue to strive to not slip up for the 3 week period as a way of really solidifying these healthy habits.   This cycle, I hope to incorporate more exercise as I do feel fat-adapted now and have the energy.
My goals this round include:
-Continued fat loss
-Staying in the "good health" zone
-more complexion improvement.  Hoping some of the small broken capillaries on my cheeks magically disappear
-Continuing to get rid of carb cravings

If you aren't a nutrition nerd, sorry if this post was boring.  If you are a NN, I hope you try this Detox!  It was probably one of the best experiments I've ever done!
Thanks for reading.
Xo,
Juni

Cilantro and Coconut Vinaigrette - Quite possibly the only vinaigrette recipe you'll ever need.

So between not working at the moment and living in the slow pace of island life we have been doing quite a bit of home cooking. A couple weeks ago I came up with this tasty vinaigrette recipe. As much as the chef in me loves making complex vinaigrettes with complex flavors I also really enjoy a nice simple one that still packs a flavor punch! This is a simple 6 ingredient recipe that is easy to make and boasts plenty of tropical flavor.

Cilantro and Coconut Vinaigrette

Ingredients

1/2 cup of rice wine vinegar (or vinegar of your choice---apple cider vinegar works well too!)

1 heaping tablespoon of chopped cilantro

3 large diced garlic cloves

2 tablespoons of finely diced sweet onion

1/2 cup of pure, unrefined, cold pressed coconut oil  (it melts where we live on it's own but if it's solid where you are, melt and allow to cool without solidifying before adding)

1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil

S/P

Simply combine all of these ingredients in a jar and shake well to 

Puerto Rican Salsa Music!

Store in fridge and remove 10 minutes before using to let the coconut oil loosen up. 

A quick zap and shake from the microwave will work too.

This recipe has been "Juni Approved" as sugar detox and Paleo friendly.

BUEN PROVECHO!!!

Bite Me

No, actually, please don't.
I'm talking to you, Mosquitoes!

You've probably gathered from any of my previous posts that I really like it here.  That everything is GREAT!  That's it's beautiful and I have all this time to feel rejuvenated and cook healthy food and blah blah blahbidy blah.  Yeah, you know, all the stuff that you are sitting at your computer reading about while secretly wanting to shoot me in my stupid, smiling mouth.

Well, I'm gonna throw you a bone here so you can stop hating me for just a second.

Apparently, about 10% of the human population is very attractive to mosquitoes...
Guess who's reeeeealllll special?

Yep, I'm a 10 percenter and I freaking hate it.

All whining aside, it hasn't been as bad here as it's been for me in the past.  When I was living in West Africa in 1997, I once counted over 70 bites on the back of my thigh.  I literally cried myself to sleep a few nights because the itching was so bad.  When I used to visit my family up in Washington State, I remember getting welts the size of the palm of my hand.  Puerto Rico has been tame in comparison but I never understood why I seemed to be more attractive than others to these annoying critters and had such a strong allergic reaction to their bites.

"You're just sweeter" says Tommy (my fiance) which is cute and all but infuriating at the same time.  He's got some kind of natural immunity to mosquitoes.  On the rare occasion that he does get bit, it MIGHT itch for an hour or something and then it just goes away. That lucky jerk.

Since we live in an age of technology, I decided to take to the interweb and get down to the bottom of this.  Here is what I found:

Their Main Food Source is NOT Blood
Wait. What?
Yeah, it's true. I guess male and female mosquitoes mostly eat nectars and other sugar sources for their own nourishment.  It's the female mosquitoes that need a "blood meal" in order to lay eggs.  Once she's had enough blood, she'll rest a few days and then lay eggs.

Stagnant Water is the Enemy
Most people know this but I'll repeat it just in case you forgot---mosquitoes have to lay eggs in a water source.  This means that the kiddy pool in your backyard may be your own personal mosquito breeding farm.  I'm not coming to  your house for wine night anymore....

Once the eggs are laid, it takes anywhere from 5-14 days for them to develop (egg, larvae, pupae) into an "adult mosquito" and it's typically within a few days after emerging from the pupal state that they will usually mate.

And you thought your 13-year old was growing up too fast!
Are these mosquitoes listening to too much Ke$ha while in the larval stage or something?!

Please, please no.  

Mosquitoes are kind of Freaky

When they do mate, the males create a swarm and the female flies directly into the swarm.  How does that work?  Does she have multiple partners?  How can she even see which male is the most worthy if they are all swarming around?  What is considered impressive and "mate worthy"?  Are you starting to feel as uncomfortable as I am about how much I am thinking about the sex life of mosquitoes?

I can only guess it's somewhat similar to what it would feel like to be Megan Fox walking into a dark nightclub full of 17 year old dudes.  

Oh boy(s).

They Don't Inject You With Poison

When a females bites a mammal to drink their blood, she injects a little of her saliva into the blood stream so it is easier for her to drink.  When she flies away, some of that saliva remains and your body creates a reaction to it (histamine is released) and the welt that ensues is determined by your immune response.  So basically, my immune system likes to get a bit carried away.  

So Why do they Like Me and Not Tommy?

Mosquitoes are attracted to potential blood meals, (aka YOU, Me and other mammals) by sight and smell.  

Sight wise, they like bright colors or black and are attracted to light.

So I'll stop wearing neon and a flashlight around my neck.  Simple.

The smell part is a bit more tricky. Personal chemistry plays a huge part here--scientists say that genetics make up 85% of why a mosquito may be attracted to you.  

They are attracted to carbon dioxide which is emitted when you exhale or more so when you exert yourself. So try not to jump around, run away or do that "twerking" dance thing that is getting a lot of attention right now.  No, I am not secretly practicing how to twerk when I am home alone.

That would be ridiculous...ummm, yeah.

But I digress...so back to SMELL!  They are also attracted to lactic acid and cholesterol on skin.  Lactic acid is emitted from  your muscles when you exercise.  The amount of cholesterol on your skin isn't tied to the cholesterol level that may come up on a test from the Dr's office, but is a result of being efficient at processing it and leaves byproducts on the surface of the skin.  I do have great cholesterol levels, so maybe that plays a part for me.  I also like to work out but haven't always so I don't know about that part in terms of my apparently irresistible scent.

Stress plays a role too.  People with high stress levels emit a smell that makes them unfavorable to the mosquito.  So here's another reason you can hate on my current stage of by-choice unemployment. Each day I relax, I'm more attractive to mosquitoes because I emit less of a "stressy smell".  

From what I've read, Scientists were able to pinpoint about 7 different chemical smells that made people either more or less attractive to the bug.  I could only find interesting info about the ones I mentioned above though.  

So What Am I Going to Do About Smelling Delicious?

After the 70 bites on the back of my thigh incident, I made a pact with the DEET devil that it could deform me or my future child in some way so long as I had protection from ever feeling that way again.    I still feel guilty about that.  For the rest of the year I spent in Ghana, I sprayed that terrible stuff on EVERYTHING.  I really hope it doesn't come back to haunt me. 

Nowadays, I like to go a more organic route.  I've been exploring things like foods one can eat to repel them.  Apparently garlic is good.  I eat a lot of garlic.  Garlic can also be good for repelling potential new friends, existing friends and fiances though.  Hmmm...

The most hopeful thing I found in my research was that the essential oil of Lemon Eucalyptus has proven to be just as effective if not MORESO than low levels of DEET.  That's impressive.  I found a cool little store in Old San Juan that sells a handmade blend of this oil among other oils that are supposed to repel insects and soothe existing bites.  Tried it out for the first time last night and it worked  good on my ankles but I didn't spray my knees and did still get bites there.  My guess is that it may need to be reapplied often too.  The smell is very similar to a Citronella candle, which I don't mind, but can be a bit much for others.  I'm going to experiment with it more as I'd really like to never use DEET again, if possible.

(UPDATE: I've found a number of natural products that DO work.  However, you must be absolutely religious about re-application and if you are planning on spending a significant time at an outside event or camping, you just have to use the chemical stuff).

I've heard from a number of sources who say that with time you develop a tolerance or an immunity to the bites.  I mean, how else would people who live in tropical climates their whole life be able to deal?  Have you ever seen someone who was born in Puerto Rico, Thailand or Mexico whining about bites?  I haven't.  I pray this will be the case for me and that within several months (boo hoo) that I will have developed my tolerance.  

(UPDATE: I just hit my TWO year anniversary living in the Carribean and sadly, I STILL get bitten on an almost daily basis.  My body seems to react a little better, just barely.  The good news is that I have found the solution...read on!)

But It ITCHES!

I've been using After Bite on my existing bites (basically Amonia, which I find a bit alarming) as well as some Hydrocortisone gel.  They both provide temporary relief but I have to reapply often and probably do so way more than I am supposed to.  

(2 YEARS IN REACTION-Hydrocotisone is worthless.  After Bite is okay, but also pretty much worthless.  The long and short of it, after much time spent trying to find a non-chemical solution to dealing with the itch is that HEAT IS THE ANSWER.   Here is what to do:

Take a hairdryer and aim it on the bite leaving about 2-3 inches between the surface of your skin and the dryer.  The more quickly you do this after you receive the bite, the better.  

Turn the hairdryer on and heat the skin until you start to feel uncomfortable.

Turn the hairdryer off before you burn the skin!

After a few seconds, I usually have 100% itch relief for around 4-5 hours.  For me this is an absolute miracle.  I've recommended this method to others with the same issues and for some it works, for others it hasn't which is why I am including the other natural methods I tried. ) 

Apparently making an at home paste can work ---mixing water with baking soda helps to alkalize the bite and relieve itching.  Toothpaste has been recommended on a few sites too.

These are some of the more weird treatments that apparently work:

-Apply stick anti-persperant to the bite.  Something in the active ingredient negates the itch. (Update-tried this too and I think it worked but not as well as the hot washcloth)

-Rub a wet bar of soap on the bite.  I don't know why this works but I'm guessing it removes some of the saliva and/or maybe helps alkalize things.

-Paint the bite with clear nail polish.  Can't find the explanation for this one.  

-Rub the inside of a banana peel on the bite.  Also, no explanation.

-Apply the thin skin inside of a cracked egg to the bite and allow to dry.  When dry, peel off and it is supposed to draw things out.

-Rub your own saliva on the bite.  I just did this, and oddly enough, it worked!  Not sure how long it will last though...(Update-about 5 mins. Boo)

So there you have it, my hopefully informative Mosquito Rant.  As the above cartoon dictates, Mosquito, you are Nature's Jerk.  In the nobel words of ex-CIA Agent Bryan Mills from the Taken series, "I don't know where you are but I will look for you.   I will find you and I will kill you."

Consider yourself warned.

xo,

Juni